By Jesse Jose

A Cup O' kapeng Barako 

L et's talk.  Let's jive.  Let's opine. 

He speaks from the gut, they said. 

He's got a lot of gut alright.  Lotsa gut.  Big protruding gut.  Big belly.  Fat belly.  Rolly polly.  Would you want a president that's a rolly polly?  Not only is his belly that's fat about him.  He's also got a fat ego.  Y'all know who I am talking about, right? Yeah, Newt, the Grinch, I mean Newt Gringrich, the disgraced and despicable Speaker of the House, during the time of President Bill Clinton, and STOLE the "halo" of Bill.

In an interview with America's elite media, Newt's second wife, Marianne, revealed that Newt had asked her for an "open marriage," when he was having an affair with a young House aide, named Calista Bisek, who later became Newt's wife.  And that according to Marianne, the shagging of Calista even took place in the bedroom of their apartment in Washington, DC.  Can you imagine that?  Shagging your mistress in the bedroom that you share with your wife? 

And that during this time while Newt was shagging young Calista, he was lecturing America in his speeches on family and religious values.

It was also during this time, while shagging Calista, he was leading the the House impeachment proceedings against Bill Clinton's affair with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 

Hey, y'all remember Monica's blue dress, right?  And when Bill pointed his crooked forefinger up in the air, as he says, "it depends what is, is IS?" 

And what about that "cigar"?

While good old Bill was doing the cigar shagging on Monica, Newt was doing the same thing on Calista.  Except Newt didn't use a cigar.  Heck, why use da cigar, when you can use da real thing?  I find that kind of weird of Bill.

So ... while Bill  was using da cigar on a young White House Intern, Newt was using the real thing on a young House aide, ha?  But that's okay, I've shagged young interns and aides, too, in my time.  But not with a cigar though, mind you.  I used the real thing for shagging, just like Newt.

But the weirdest of all, I think, between these two shaggers, was that Newt told on Bill, castigated him publicly and got him impeached from the House based on self-righteous accusations that he himself was exactly doing.  Can you imagine that?  That to me is the height of hypocrisy, in a big-bellied way.

About a week ago in a debate aired and moderated by CNN, Newt lashed out with a vengeance at the media for reporting on the interviews with his ex-wife Marianne about secret shagging of Calista.

"Trash!" he responded, when the moderator, John King, asked him to respond to the reports of his infidelities.  "Despicable," he added, growling.  "I am appalled that you that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that."

The crowd roared with laughter and approval at Newt's fire and brimstone reply.  And, for that response, he won the hearts and minds of the South Carolina Goofs, I mean, GOPS and won the primary battle there.

Well, what do you expect from South Carolina?  It's the land of goofs and cuckoos and Ku Klux Clan.

They refused to see his "lack of moral character to be president and his position on family values that don't reflect his behavior."  They refused to see that many voters on a national scale, see Newt as a "polarizing figure who made millions as a Washington insider and had to pay a $300,000 penalty for ethical lapses as House Speaker and had been scorned by former colleagues."

And to me, that makes him a clown.  A fat-bellied clown.

O N RICK SANTORIUM: The former Senator of Pennsylvania is a good-looking dude.  If he becomes the chosen one to face President Obama in forthcoming GOPS versus LIBS debates, he might have a chance with his good looks, and gays might even enjoy looking at him and vote for him. 

But he's anti gay and anti same-sex marriage.  He's full of anti's.  He's anti-immigration, anti-military, anti abortion, anti welfare, anti so forth and so on.  He's the picture of the typical ultra-conservative man.  A man too far to the right.  A man with rigid thinking.  A man with extreme views. 

That to me, is scary.  And, clownish, in many ways. 

ON RON PAUL AND HERMAN CAIN: Ron is a congressman from the 14th district of Texas.  I dunno much about him, simply because I am NOT interested to know him. Though he doesn't look it, he's a Texas cowboy, like Rick Perry, another GOP president wannabe who quit before the South Carolina primary. 

And like Perry, he should also ride east into the sunset and fade out.  Pangpagulo lang 'to.  Laging kulelat.  HE AIN'T GOT NO CHANCE.  Y'all know why?  MUKHANG TUKO!  I don't think America would want someone as president, who looks like a TUKO ... and a clown.

Just like ... America wouldn't want for president someone like Herman "Pizza Man" Cain, who is a NogNog, who speaks like a Nognog and walks like a Nognog.  Never mind his shagging of his kept mistresses and of his lying about it, when confronted. That's forgivable and forgettable.  BUT a NogNog like Mr. Cain is anathema ... who would NEVER, NEVER win the presidency of the United States of America.  He's too much of a clown.

Also, in this country, as we all know, White Man rules!  

Well, you may ask: What about President Obama, he's also a Nognog?  Yeah, but he's handsome one.  A mestizo.  A sharp dresser.  A brilliant lawyer.  A gifted orator.  A Harvard graduate, who speaks and talks UNLIKE a NogNog.  In other words, the man has got a lot of class!  I like him.  I am not a racist.  I only tell it like it is, politically correct or not.  As y'all know, I even named my dawg, "BHO" to honor the man..    

ON MITT ROMNEY: So, who should be the GOP nominee then who's got the chance to defeat President Obama?  Mitt Romney, I'd say!  I also like Mitt.  True, he's filthy rich, and he hides his wealth in the Cayman Island and in Swiss banks and other banks overseas.  Millionaires of this country and all over the world all do that!

It's no secret that Mitt was born rich and became mega-millions richer as a financier.  It's also no secret that his income is mostly taxed at 15 percent, a far more lower rate that we, "grunts in the bush," pay.  We're taxed by the IRS at 35 percent! 

The usual income of the very rich usually comes from capital gains and investments.  And the way I understand it,  for that kind of income, IRS can tax you ONLY at 15 percent or lower.

According to news report when Mitt was pressured to reveal his vast fortune, he disclosed an income of $21.7 million in 2010 and $20.9 million for 2011.  And virtually, all of it from profits, dividends, interest on investments and such.

Romney said he paid the IRS a total of $6.2 million in federal taxes.  And that according to to his 2010 tax return, he paid $3 million to the IRS, for an effective tax rate of 13.9 percent.  And for 2011 he will pay about $3.2 million to the IRS, for an effective tax rate of 15.4 percent.

"I pay all the taxes that are legally required and not a dollar more," Romney said.  "I don' think you want someone as the candidate for president who pays more taxes than he owes."

Right on, Mitt.  But haven't you heard of Obama's mojo of "spreading the wealth"?

Now, as I've said, we, grunts in the bush, who merely toil for a living, and get only mere wages, pay the IRS 35 percent out of our miserable wages  Well, I suppose the PARASITES and PALAMUNINS of America have to eat, too, ha?  But, why should we, the grunts, be left holding the bag to feed the PALS of America? 

Why not the filthy rich, like Mitt?  Mitt said that for the past two years he had donated $7 million to the PALS of America and $4-million to the Mormon Church.  But what's $11 million to Mitt?  That's only a speck off his stash, so to speak.  

MITT AND HIS MORMON FAITH: It was said that Mitt likes to paint himself and his family as "smart, analytical risk-takers," recalling his great-grandfather, who came to this country from England in 1837 after Mormon missionaries told him "God had been restored to the earth by a young prophet...."  That Mormon prophet as we all know, was Joseph Smith.

His family, Romney said, long has been loyal to the Church, "based on sanity and not on fanaticism."

The Romneys eventually settled in Michigan, where Mitt's father, George founded and headed American Motors ... and from there, the family became filthy rich.  Mitt said he "adored" his father.

On a personal level, Mitt attended Stanford University for two quarters, then went to France as a Mormon missionary for two an half years.  He graduated from Brigham Young University in 1971, then earned an MBA from Harvard Business School and a doctorate in law from Harvard Law School.

So, what am I saying here? 

I am saying that Mitt Romney is a highly-educated man, who also seems to have been shaped by his Mormon faith.  I dunno much about Mormonism.  But if that faith can give you the tools on how to become rich and smart, perhaps we should all endeavor to make Mitt the GOP nominee to beat Barry.  For Barry got this country's economy into a non-stop spiral into debt and deficit.  If Mitt beats Barry, I am sure Mitt would share with America the tools on how to become filthy rich, too.

Between a filthy-rich Mormon and a closeted Muslim, I prefer Mitt, the Mormon to be President of America. Mitt is no clown. You can't be a clown and be rich like Mitt.  What do y'all say?  JJ