By Jesse Jose

          A Cup O’ Kapeng Barako 

          The Filipino people had spoken. 

So I, too, wish to congratulate Noynoy Aquino for winning the presidential election. I wish him well and our Inang Bayan.

I also wish to congratulate all the movie actors and actresses who, once again, were elected as senators, congressmen, governors, mayors, councilors, etceteras, etcetera.  I wish all of them well and our Inang Bayan.

I also wish to congratulate Manny Pakyaw for becoming a “tongressman” of his hometown.  He has come a long way.  From panadero to boksingero to national hero and “symbol of the Filipino ethnic pride,” and now one of the lawmakers of my native land.  Yes, he has indeed come a long way.  I wish him well and our Inang Bayan.

I also wish to congratulate all the dynasties of kawatans and all the old, useless politicos who got elected once again as leaders of my poor native land.  Their political machineries are so finely-tuned that you cannot help but admire their tenacity and cleverness in “hanging on” to power.  Yes, I wish them well, too … and our Inang Bayan.

And, to those die-hard tutas of Noynoy during this election, believe it or not, I also congratulate them and wish them well. 

Pero sana naman, stop the gloating na.  Move on na.  Because the gloating is beginning to look ridiculous and kadiri to death na.  Especially, The Filipino Channel (TFC) of ABS/CBN, which up to now still keeps flashing on the screen the million of votes that Noynoy has over the other candidates – like Erap, Villar, Gibo and the kulelats – rubbing it in and rubbing it in. 

O, sige na ngarud, panalo na si ‘Noy….

LICKING WOUNDS: In a mass email to friends and ex-friends right after the elections, where I expressed my honest disgust on the results, a woman reader, perhaps one of my fans, said that it’s time for me to accept the fact that my candidate of choice, Senator Manny Villar, had lost.  After giving me a stern lecture on Noynoy’s good qualities and what he would be able to do for our Inang Bayan, she said, “Lick your wounds now, Babe.”

Now me, an all time smart-ass and a true DOM, gave her this quickie answer, “I’d rather lick your wound, Babe.”

She responded, “I don’t have any wounds....”  She also said that I can lick her next-door neighbor’s dog, but she doesn’t think her next door neighbor would allow that, as the dog is of a “high-class breed.”

I laughed so hard when I read her response.  Then I said, “I am an expert in finding women’s wounds and I am sure I’ll find your wound, no matter how well hidden.” 

She deleted my email.  Well, cheers to the wound that never heals.

Y’all don’t get me wrong now.  I am not sexist.  I love women, especially smart, intelligent and beautiful women, like my wife.  I am for their equal rights and equal pay and all kinds of equality that they want to have.  Yes, even in bed.  And yes, they should be in combat, too, if they wish.

FIRST US NAVY WOMAN FIGHTER PILOT: I can’t recall her name now, but when I was in the Navy as a chief combat photo-journalist, I interviewed and wrote a story about the first woman jet fighter pilot in the Navy. That story was published in several military and civilian publications. I followed her around for a couple of days during the interview. I watched her take off, do loops in the air and land and screeched her plane to a stop as if it was a toy, a million-dollar toy, it was. I was impressed. She was amazing that I took pictures of her. She looked gorgeous in her jet-fighter pilot uniform.

She looked like a true warrior.  But she was all woman.      

HORNY SAILORS: I just don’t agree that women should be on Navy ships, teeming with horny, young sailors.  I was in the Navy for 20 years.  At sea for many months on end.  Believe me I know how it is to be horny … and deprived.  When you’re deprived, you become depraved.  Day in and day out, there’s only one thing on your mind.  At night you dream about it. You count the days and the hours, until that dream can be realized on “liberty.” (Liberty is shore leave, for you guys who haven’t sailed the seven seas, or any sea, for that matter).

Then this woman, a shipmate of yours, swishes and sways by you, enveloping you with that musky female scent that you dream about. 

Now, can you imagine what that would do to a weak-willed and weak-minded man like me?  As that daring first US Navy admiral during the Civil War, named David Glasgow Farragut, would say, or any daring, horny sailor, for that matter, would say: “Damn all torpedoes, full speed ahead!”

ELENA KAGAN: Seriously now … talking about “FIRST,” as in first woman this and first woman that, President Obama’s nomination of Elena Kagan, America’s Solicitor General, to serve on the United States Supreme Court is, to me, a first-rate choice.

She was educated at Princeton, Oxford and Harvard. She has clerked on the U.S. Supreme Court of Appeals and the Supreme Court. She taught at the University of Chicago and Harvard law schools.

She’s the first woman to be dean of Harvard Law School. The first woman to be Solicitor General. But the fourth woman on the U.S. Supreme Court, if she’s confirmed by Congress.

It represents, as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said on the day of her own nomination, “the end of the days when women, at least half the talent pool in our society, appear in high places as one-at-a-time performers.”

As y’all know, for 12 long years, until Ginsburg joined the Supreme Court, Sandra day O’Connor was the only woman justice in the Supreme Court.  Then for three years, after O’Connor’s retirement and before Sonia Sotomayor’s selection not too long ago, Ginsburg was the only woman justice in that Court.

The long era of “FIRST” among women has come to close. Not completely though.  There are a few more ceilings yet to be cracked … like perhaps the presidency?  I maybe a Republican in my political belief, but my personal choice is Ms. Hillary Clinton. No, not Sarah Palin.  I think she’s stupid.  In an interview with Katie Couric, the primetime news anchor of CBS, during the presidential campaign, she was asked to name a national newspaper that she reads, she couldn’t even name one. Dumb broad . . .     

THE POLE DANCER: Another “first” among women is Rima Fakih (I wonder how her last name is pronounced), the newly-crowned winner of the Miss USA pageant contest.  According to news reports, “It’s historic” because she maybe the first Arab-American Muslim who had won this beauty contest. She’s a Lebanese immigrant and a University of Michigan graduate and a wannabe lawyer.

But she’s under fire now after “racy” photos of her daw had surfaced while competing in a pole dancing contest. I’ve seen that photo on the Internet, but I don’t think it was “racy” at all.  She was wearing gym shorts and a blouse up to her neck.  She looked sexy in that photo, true, but it wasn’t a racy photo. If you really want to see racy photos, get yourself a Penthouse magazine and see racy photos galore on its pages….

CAMPBELL BROWN: One more woman I want to mention here, while I am at it: That’s right, Talk Show Host Campbell Brown of CNN.  We heard she’s leaving CNN because of her show’s low ratings. Good riddance. She acted like a schoolgirl during the election.  Every time she spoke of Barack Obama, she drooled.

And talking about DROOLING, y’all know who that reminds me of.  I’ve said it so many times. But as Bart T. of Chicago, a publisher of a Fil-Am publication, had said, “tapos na ang boksing.”  The Filipino people had spoken.  So, that’s all.  JJ